Bollocks?: 2016

2016

Lets be honest, 2016 has been one absolute cunt of a year. Any personal crap you’ve had to deal with has only been exacerbated by both the horrible global events that have occurred and the deaths of several beloved celebrities. The sheer extent to which 2016 beat down our morale has had us wondering if maybe the Mayans were wrong by a few years. Follow me down memory lane (if you dare) to highlight just a few of the kicks to the nuts humanity has suffered over the past 12 months.

January

It’s a new year and a new start. January allows us to shed our old skins and be reborn into the beautiful butterfly we hope our New Year’s Resolution will transform us into. The days may still be short and the weather foul, but we can at least see the light at the end of the tunnel as Spring draws near and we begin to start working on our Summer bodies.

Just as we were finally accepting the fact that the God of Rock Lemmy Kilmister had gone to the great gig in the sky, January quickly delivered several more punches to the gut. First the Zika virus outbreak ruined any plans we had for a cheeky getaway to the sun following Christmas, and pregnant women started stressing their precious cargo might get infected (on top of the added pressure of having a little person growing inside of you).

We’d barely had time to start fixing that when, from out of nowhere, David Bowie transcended his physical form to travel to the next dimension and presumably become a hugely successful musician there. That left us mere mortals reeling at his loss and wondering exactly what we were supposed to do without our Starman.

Shortly afterwards, the great actor Alan Rickman then passed away and the acting world lost a great talent. As if losing two British icons wasn’t enough, the universe then decided that national treasure Terry Wogan’s time on Earth had come to an end and he was needed to come and present something up in the heavens.

2016Well shit, we thought, at least we got the bad stuff out the way early, I mean the rest of the year can’t be any worse, right? Wrong.

February

Just as we were dusting ourselves off from being shoved to the ground by January, February came up and shoved a pie in our faces when author of To Kill A Mocking Bird, Harper Lee passed away. Lee lived to the good age of 89 but it was still a shock to lose the author of one of the best books ever written. Rest in peace, ma’am.

2016March

Shit got real when a terrorist attack in Brussels, Belgium resulted in three suicide bombers killing 32 people and injuring a further 300. ISIL claimed responsibility for the attack, which is the deadliest act of terrorism in Belgium’s history. The Belgian government dedicated three days of national mourning and many countries across the globe stood in solidarity with the people of Belgium, in particular France, a country which had been attacked twice the year before.

you know what'sApril

Not content with taking one musical genius from us this year, death then took Prince. Our only consolation was the fact that both Bowie and Lemmy were waiting up there to jam with him. Apparently thinking this wasn’t bad enough, the rest of the United States became very embarrassed when North Carolina and Mississippi passed legislation which limits the amount of protection LGBT people should expect and allows businesses to refuse service to LGBT people on religious grounds. The British Foreign Travel Advice site to warn LGBT travelers that they might want to proceed with caution when traveling through what is supposed to be one of the most Western countries in the world. Jeez.

rainbow-gay-american-flag-flickrMay

With Summer right around the corner, we were looking forward to trips to the beach, long walks in the country, and showing off the Summer bods we’d been working so hard on. It’s hard not to feel optimistic with Summer on the horizon, but then the universe decided to teach us all how shit humans are at coexisting with Mother Nature by presenting us with a fucking bizarre scenario that resulted in a Silverback Gorilla getting executed.

Look, I’m not here to chuck shit at anyone, it’s all been done to death, but the whole incident reminded humanity that even when we’re trying to help animals, we’re still fucking them up. I get that the Zoo killed Harambe, imagine if they hadn’t and the boy had died? But I still can’t help but feel angry at the fact a Gorilla had been caged (not by choice) and was still killed anyway. He didn’t break out and start running amok, he was just wondering why the fuck one minute he was enjoying his lunch, and the next a weird little shaved chimp had fallen out the fucking sky.

It’s easy to want to be able to place blame on someone, it makes us feel better. But there’s really no one to blame. I certainly want to know why the kid’s parents weren’t keeping an eye on him and why an enclosure was designed in such a way that a kid could fall in, but lets be honest, no one planned it to happen. No one woke up that morning and thought Gee, I hope I can assassinate a Gorilla by proxy via a small child. We really only have ourselves to blame. It’s humanities fault. He was in that zoo because we’ve destroyed so much of their natural habitat that we now have to create our own (relatively) safe spaces for them. Well done, we did everything right and still fucked it.

2016June

You’d think that after six months of doom and gloom humanity would have been on its best behavior. We could have clubbed together and tried to make up for a shitty start with a great Summer and a merry Winter, but instead we just continued to circle the drain.

The month kicked off with the passing of sporting legend Mohamed Ali. It was sad to see such a legend go but things were about to get real dark real quick. On June 10, the 22-year old singer Christina Grimmie was murdered after a concert as she came out to greet fans and sign autographs. The gunman shot Grimmie four times before being tackled by her brother. Breaking free he then shot himself. No motive has been offered for the killer’s actions and it was a great shock to see such a violent waste of life.

The violence would only get worse when, just a few days later, a security guard killed 49 people and injured 53 others when he began a mass shooting in a gay nightclub called Pulse in Orlando, Florida. The killer claimed he did it in allegiance to ISIL but no real links between the gunman and the terrorist group were found.

Once again countries around the globe stood in solidarity over yet another tragedy.
orlando-memorialsMore was still to come. In Britain, a Labour MP named Jo Cox was stabbed and shot to death by a man with far-right connections in the run up to the vote on whether Britain should leave the EU. Cox was known as a campaigner in events related to the Syrian Civil War and she was described as having “campaigned tirelessly for refugees”. In her maiden speech, Cos spoke about diversity and stated: “We are far more united and have far more in common with each other than things that divide us”.

Shortly afterwards, in a very close vote, Britain opted to leave the EU, despite the majority of young voters (whom it would actually affect) wanting to stay. Brexit supporter and general scumbag Nigel Farage then had the gall to claim the victory was won “without having to fight, without a single bullet being fired,” somehow forgetting the murder of Jo Cox just days earlier. Nice one Britain, nice one.

July

Violence only seemed to get worse in July as the month saw the murder of five police officers in Dallas, Texas after a former Afghan War Veteran started targeting white people, especially police officers, in order to “protest” the high number of police shootings of black men in the United States. I’m not for a moment saying there isn’t discrimination towards African Americans from some police officers in America, but going out and shooting people over it isn’t helping anyone. Nine other officers were also injured in the attack along with two civilians.

Bastille day is mean’t to be a day of celebration in France and celebrates the storming of the Bastille during the French Revolution. During the celebrations, a man deliberately drove a cargo truck into the crowd, The attack killed 84 people, ten of whom were children, and injured a further 434. Responsibility for the cowardly attack was again claimed by ISIL.

2016August

August saw a relative reprieve from violence (at least in the West), but we did see the passing of actor Gene Wilder who was well known for his iconic role as Willy Wonker. Fare thee well, sir, fare thee well.

2016September

Any joy and optimism we may have been feeling following the Olympics in Rio de Janeiro was quickly negated by the shooting of an unarmed African-American man in Charlotte, North Carolina. The incident sparked huge protests, some of which were peaceful, but also lead to a riot that lasted for two nights and resulted in one death and the injury of several officers and civilians. This killing of an unarmed person is just one in a long line of incidents and the looming election between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton was only making tensions all the higher.

2016October

October began with The Washington Post releasing a video which showed Donald Trump boasting about having groped and kissed women without consent. It was agreed by all that this was undoubtedly the final nail in the coffin of Trump’s political career. We were very much wrong.

Towards the end of the month two earthquakes struck central Italy, the strongest of which was a 6.1 magnitude tremor. Over 300 people were killed and thousands were left homeless after they’re houses were destroyed.

italian-earthquakeNovember

The world was left with its jaw on the floor after Donald Trump, a man who’s presidential run had been one constant fuck up after another, won the election by a landslide and will become the next president of the United States in January. It did at least prove that anyone can be president (as long as you have a metric fuck-ton of cash).

Just as we were all trying to catch our breath from that kick to the crotch, the legendary singer and songwriter Leonard Cohen passed away and the music world lost one of its greatest treasures.

trumpDecember

The festive season ought to be a time of cheer and goodwill but things were only getting worse. In Aleppo the violence had reached its peak and civilians were being gunned down indiscriminately by Assad forces with the backing of Russia. Don’t worry, the West stepped in and told Putin that if he didn’t stop being such a meanie, Russia would be uninvited from the Olympics. The violence only increased when the Russian Ambassador to Turkey was gunned down by a Turkish police officer who shouted “Don’t forget Aleppo!” as he pulled the trigger.

ISIL once again reared its cunty head when an attack in Germany saw 12 dead and 49 wounded in a Christmas market in Berlin. The attacker hijacked a lorry, killed its original driver, then proceeded to plow into the market full of people just trying to enjoy the festive season.

As if we weren’t all depressed enough, Christmas arrived along with the death of George Michael and Carrie Fisher. Both were mourned by fans and celebrities alike with Michael being noted for his great generosity towards charities and Fisher for her work in taking the stigma out of mental health. Only a day later, Carrie’s mother, Debbie Reynolds passed away following a stroke whilst she was making plans for her daughter’s funeral. All will be missed.

2016So there you have it, one of the most depressing years in quite some time. Here’s to a better 2017 and I hope you all try and be good to one another. We’re all in this together.

Read More:


Comments are closed.