Bollocks?: Tiny critters that can kill YOU.

Human beings are the most clever animals to ever walk the earth. We’ve mapped the world, built colossal monuments, discovered fire and hell, even put a man on the moon. We certainly have a lot to be proud of and it would be fair to say we are at the very top of the food chain. So why the holy fucking hell fire in the 21st century despite all our greatness are there still hoards of tiny critters capable of dropping us with one bite!

Take for instance the Brazilian Wandering Spider. Its not the largest spider, its big but no match for a Bird Eating Spider. Its also not very aggressive, in fact it spend its days hiding and only comes out at night. None the less this mother fucker would have you crying for your mother if you ever come face to face with it.

As i mentioned earlier the Brazilian Wandering Spider only comes out at night and spends the day hiding. Seems good right? That’s a whole 12 hours spent hiding when it could be on the prowl. Well no, no its not a good thing. Because unfortunately Brazilian Wandering Spiders can’t tell the difference between a decaying log and your car. Nor can they distinguish the difference between a hole in the ground from the back of your sofa.

Maybe your still thinking its not so bad. We all know very few spiders are fatal to humans generally (especially with large spiders) they look worse than they are. However this son of an eight legged web weaving bitch is one of the rare exceptions. If you get bitten by this eight legged twat here’s what you can expect…

First off its poison is twice as toxic as that of a Black Widow and contains neurotoxin and high levels of serotonin. Whilst the neurotoxins shut down your primary functions, the serotonin will go straight to the pain centre of your brain and will put you in a world of hurt. That’s pretty bad right? Well for all you gents out there its about to get even worse.

As you collapse in agony you may start to notice a tingle in your genitals. Followed by the most solid hard on you’ve ever had. You see the venom also causes you to stand erect. So well in fact that scientists have been experimenting with the Wandering Spiders poison to make a more effective form of Viagra. The venom is so effective at giving you a stiffy that it has been known for doctors to have to manually drain the blood…

So there you go. That’s how one of these little shits kills you. Your last moments on this earth will be spent hunched up in agony with an erection so hard you may as well have just seen Megan Fox doing handstands nude. Unfortunately for you you didnt see Megan Fox. You saw this twat.


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