Bollocks?: The Cancellation of Silent Hills

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On August 12th, 2014, a mysterious new demo simply called P.T. was released onto the PlayStation Store exclusively for PlayStation 4 players. The game was billed as an interactive teaser for a new horror game from a studio called 7780s.

The demo was played from a first-person perspective and players found themselves waking up in an empty room inhabited by a lone cockroach that scuttled across the floor. Upon leaving the room via the only door available, players would find themselves in a mysterious house.

At first, nothing seems obviously amiss. The house is well lit and there are no obvious signs that any serious shit has gone down. Okay, so we were just passed out on the floor and were only woken up by Jiminy Cricket, but hey, there are a few empty bottles lying around. Maybe we were just spending a Friday night getting shit faced in an effort to escape the dull monotony of our life. This is actually a pretty nice house, maybe I’m a high profile lawyer who just had one too many to celebrate winning a difficult case. Maybe I’ll turn this corner and find my mates passed out.

Walking along the corridor, you notice the digital clock shows the time is one minute to midnight, but who cares what time it is? You’re too busy feasting your eyes on the stunning graphics and lighting effects. Now this is next-gen, bitches! Interesting art hangs from the walls and photos show a happy looking man and woman posing for pictures. Lovely.

Other doors in the building appear to be all locked. Continuing forwards you see an open door ahead. An exit, no doubt. The door leads to some steps and as you descend you reach another door and open it…only to find you’re back at the beginning of the corridor you started at. What the fuck?

Taking a few steps forward you suddenly realise the clock is still showing the time to be 23:59…but…you must have at least spent a few minutes examining the pictures on the walls. The clock must be busted,…right?

Continuing onwards you arrive back at the door that seems to only lead back where you started. Again you go through it and again you’re back to where you started, and the time is still 23:59.

Right, someone’s taking the piss, you think. You walk confidently down the corridor again only for the door at the end to suddenly slam shut. Turning around you suddenly hear the sound of someone banging on one of the locked doors you passed along the corridor. THE FUCK!? Slowly but surely, you creep back down the corridor and as you reach the door, the banging stops. You gingerly try the door but it’s still locked, and whatever is in there is no longer making a peep.

Because fuck ever sleeping again.

Because fuck ever sleeping again.

From here things just get worse and fucking worse. Every time you begin going through the house anew, things get more and more fucked up. The lights turn off, you start seeing blood soaked women creeping around the house, and there’s some kind of fucking terrifying alien baby…thing in the bathroom sink that just won’t stop crying.

And that was the moment a little pee came out.

And that was the moment a little pee came out.

Eventually, after shitting your pants several times, the clock strikes midnight and demo ends, but not before treating you to a cutscene that makes the makes it all worth while. This isn’t a demo for some new horror game, oh no. This is a Playable Teaser for a brand new Silent Hill game, this time called Silent Hills. The cutscene shows a man walking down an empty street in a city apparently devoid of life. On screen writing appears that reveals the veteran game creator responsible for the Metal Gear games, Hideo Kojima is on board. The man continues walking and the name Guillermo del Toro appears on the screen. “Holy shit,” you think to yourself, “The genius film maker known for his dark and creepy films is working with a fellow genius to bring us a new Silent Hill game!?” Then the camera zooms in on the man as he turns around, revealing the character to be modeled on the likeness of Norman Reedus. His name appears and you can’t believe such a handsome, talented man, with amazing arms, is going to be lending his voice and appearance to the game. The demo was fucking terrifying and amazing. This game is going to be the tits. The idea of a Silent Hill game made by Hideo Kojima and Guillermo del Toro and featuring Norman Reedus may seem like it’s too good to be true, and alas, it is.

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bestfriends4everclub

Konami, the video game company publishing the game, and company who owns the rights to Silent Hills hasn’t been getting on so well with Hideo Kojima. For decades he’s been making them a fuck-tonne of money with his Metal Gear games, but something has happened which has made him announce the Metal Gear he’s currently working on will be his last project with Konami. Konami have also removed his name from all Metal Gear products, and yet neither party will comment on what the fuck is going on. Seriously, did the CEO of Konami find Kojima with his missus or something?

Either way, Konami and Kojima are not on speaking terms and it was announced a few days ago that the Silent Hills project has been canned. The P.T. demo has been pulled from the PlayStation Store and PlayStation 4 consoles with the demo installed are already selling for stupid money on ebay (I’m gonna wait a few years then sell mine for millions).

Both Guillermo del Toro and Norman Reedus have both confirmed that the project is fucked and Konami have revealed themselves to be the greatest cock teasers in human history.

"I can hear a sound...like a thousand nerds all crying out at once..."

“I can hear a sound…like a thousand nerds all crying out at once…”

An online petition has been created that begs for the game to be revived but, unless it gets millions of signatures, it’ll be about as much use to the world as a reality TV show starring the Kardashians.

Exactly what the fuck is going on with Hideo Kojima and Konami is anyone’s guess and it’s possible we may never know what went wrong. But, to whoever is responsible for canceling this game is as bad as whoever pulled the plug on Firefly.

Alas, Silent Hills. This world was never meant for one as beautiful (and fucking twisted) as you.


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